An Actual Conversation

Today at the doctor's...

Doctor: You've gained a couple pounds over the past few days, that's good. Are you a picky eater?

Me: Somewhat.

Doctor: Are there things you love to eat but that you try not to because you think they are bad for you?

Me: Yeah, like burgers and fries, milkshakes, pizza, chocolate cake...

Doctor: Well as of today, none of that stuff is bad for you. There are no rules. You are now free to eat as much of all that as you want until you get your weight and stamina back up.

Me: Somebody pinch me.

Now who wouldn't want to have a conversation like that with their doctor? Of course it was followed shortly by two needles being stuck in my arm. You gotta pay to play I guess. Time for a snack.

The Good Life

So I get in the bug and turn on the CD player for the first time after getting out of the hospital and am greeted by the following:

"When I look in the mirror
I can't believe what I see
Tell me, who's that funky dude starin' back at me?
Broken, beaten-down can't even get around
without an old-man cane I fall and hit the ground
Shivering in the cold, I'm bitter and alone

Excuse the bitchin' - I shouldn't complain
I should have no feeling, 'cuz feeling is pain
as everything I need is denied me
and everything I want is taken away from me
but who do I got to blame?
Nobody but me

I don't wanna be a old man anymore
It's been a year or two since I was out on the floor
Shakin' booty, makin' sweet love all the night
It's time I got back to the Good Life
It's time I got back, it's time I got back
'n I don't even know how I got off the track
I wanna go back, yeah!

Screw this crap, I've had it! I ain't no Mr. Cool
I'm a pig, I'm a dog, so 'scuse me if I drool
I ain't gonna hurt nobody, ain't gonna cause a scene
I just need to admit I want sugar in my tea
Hear me? I want sugar in my tea!"

Weezer to the rescue. Again. Out of all the CDs in the changer it happened to be on that track. There's something to these little German bugs knowing exactly what you need to hear.

So I'm Alive

A month ago, my body began to slowly destroy itself. I began to wither away, barely able to eat while doctors treated a rash of bizarre and seemingly unrelated symptoms. I lost 25+ pounds in three weeks before seeing the right doctor who put all the pieces of the puzzle together and checked me into the hospital. I was a shattered shadow of myself.

They ran test after test and reached a diagnosis; starting me on all sorts of medications to stop my body from assaulting itself. I could slowly eat again and after five days in the hospital I'm getting better. Half of that is just knowing what is wrong with me. Knowing that although I have a chronic illness to live with the rest of my life, with the proper medication it can be kept under contral and I can live a normal healthy life. The rest of the recovery is building my strength back up from this wisp of myself that exists inside my extra-baggy clothes. I'm working on it. Slowly. It's going to take time. I'm hungry. Time for another snack.

I love you so much Amy. Having you makes it so much easier to pull through this.